MEMO TO HOLLYWOOD: We have seen the future, and you aren’t in it.
As “Act of Valor” hauls in a tidy $24.5 million to lead the box office pack this weekend, Hollywood has got to be wondering why it’s bloated $100 million epics are tanking while this low-budget, independently-made fireball will make its producers a bundle.
Since that’s an unfamiliar concept, I’ll give you a chance to Google it.
Yeah, Hollywood, moral clarity. The bad guys are bad guys. As in the real world outside of the I-10/I-5/101 Freeway/Pacific Ocean box where you live your miserable, morally bankrupt lives, there’s no ambiguity.
American warriors are the unambiguous heroes, and the people they hunt down are unambiguously evil.
There’s no bogus back story to the villains about how Americans were mean to them, or how their daddies didn’t hug them enough, or how global warming destroyed their petting zoo.
“Act of Valor” rejects the kind of value-free nonsense you love to inject into your crummy, unwatched flops to generate the cozy moral ambiguity that allows you to pretend that there is no such thing as right and wrong.
Over-hyped, over-praised and just plain over productions like “Homeland” (and, in later years, “24″), I’m talking about you.
The jihadi/drug dealing villains in “Act” murder little kids with car bombs. They use power drills to torture women. They want to butcher Americans here in our country. Just like in real life.
Except – and this is key – “Act of Valor” isn’t afraid to say so. You are. Evil corporations, neo-Nazis, little green men – you’ll have anyone as the villain except the real villians who we are really at war against today.
But the American people see through it. They know who the real enemy is. And, moreover, they love our military and our troops, while you don’t know, don’t understand and, frankly, don’t respect our troops. The pile of smoldering carcasses of unwatched anti-military turkeys like “Redacted,” “Lions for Lambs,” and “In the Valley of Elah” ought to be a signal that dissing our men and women in uniform is a one-way ticket on the express train to Failureville.
And that train is roaring down the tracks. Your audience is disappearing. The profit paradigm is shifting from the inflated extravaganzas you keep pushing on us toward sleek, lean entertainment that actually entertains. “Act” cost just $12 million to make – $12 million! That’s not even enough to cover Tom Cruise’s masseuse budget.
But Hollywood, it’s pretty clear that the only thing that means more to you than money is making sure that your buddies know that you’re towing the liberal line. After all, what’s making a few more bucks when it means you won’t get invited to the right $36,000 a plate liberal fundraiser where you can sip $800 a bottle champagne with your liberal pals while nodding your heads as whichever Democrat politician you’re paying off to support SOPA talks about how important it is to show solidarity with “the poor.”
You better start taking notes.
We’ve already covered “not alienating your audience by insulting their country,” “understand who the bad guys are” and “make it exciting instead of a coma-inducing snoozefest.” Now let’s take a look at some of the other lessons from “Act of Valor,” shall we?
First, there’s this thing in cinema called “direction” – you might want to steer your movies back towards having some of it.
People are getting a little tired of action scenes that are so frenetic and disjointed that you walk out of the theater feeling like a hyperactive epileptic on meth. One idea would be to invest in tripods. Or, one could do what “Act” does and use the “shaky cam” style as a tool to maximize excitement rather than a crutch to hide incoherence. The action scenes are incredible – I especially liked the M4-mounted camera point-of-view shots.
Also, if you don’t depict American troops as savages you might get some cooperation from the Department of Defense. “Act” has unbelievable scenes that can only come with the DoD’s help, unless your budget includes the dough to buy a nuclear sub to surface for you (That scene is just awesome). Real stuff and real stories beats CGI and anti-military slander.
Now, you probably have some gripes about ‘Act,” so let’s just pretend this is a dialogue instead of a monologue and assume that I asked for your opinion.
First, you’ll probably complain that “Act of Valor” is just a two-hour recruiting film!” Your premise is flawed at the outset. You assume that there is somehow something wrong with encouraging Americans to enter the military and serve their country. There isn’t. You are losers for not doing more of it.
The young men and women of the American armed forces are heroes, and members of the organization that has done more to promote peace, freedom, and alleviate human misery than any other institution in human history. Decent people would be proud to produce a film that depicts the essential truths of our military and supports young Americans trying to see if they are worthy of becoming a part of it.
Second, you may claim that the acting is sub-par. Well, these are freaking Navy SEALs. They’re perfectly adequate. After all, how can we expect them to rise to the level of thespian skill displayed by the acting legends you Hollywood geniuses foist upon us, such as Channing Tatum, Taylor Lautner and Megan Fox?
Of course, if some lefty French art film director took a bunch of untrained actors and made a film about how capitalism crushes souls or some such nonsense, you’d be giddy with praise for the performers’ “naturalism” and “raw talent,” and it would be a smash hit in San Francisco, Manhattan and Portland.
Third, “it’s emotionally manipulative.” Hey, jerks, it’s real. You’ve never had to be gone on deployment while your wife was pregnant. I have – and so have many thousands of other Americans. You’ve never been to a military funeral for someone who died during operations. I have – and so have many thousands of other Americans.
The most emotional moment of any movie this year has already happened – the moment at the end of “Act” where the filmmakers dedicate the film to those who have lost their lives defending freedom and a terribly, gut-wrenchingly long list of the names of the Naval Special Warfare dead since 9/11 rolls across the screen.
The credits then show a series of photos not only of SEALs but of members of all of the American military branches, along with first responders like our police and firefighters.
Too sentimental for you, Hollywood? Too cliché? Too unhip? Maybe it’s just too real for you.
This is their reality: Lieutenant Michael Murphy, Medal of Honor. Petty Officer Michael A. Mansoor, Medal of Honor.
This is your reality: Hollywood is dying.
Big Hollywood
